Recent Changes


Simple and short.

Something that went well today: Another day of all my goals getting accomplished.
Something that went poorly today: I woke up about an hour late and started my day a half hour later than that.
Something I will improve on for tomorrow: Not only getting up earlier, but starting my day much quicker once I am awake.
Something I am thankful for: That I don’t have to go outside if I don’t want to.
Something I must get done tomorrow: Date day with the wife.

 Well, it’s a lot later than I thought it was going to be, but I wanted to get this written, because I couldn’t have my only goal on the day not accomplished by the blog.  I got all 13 of my goals done for the day and I think that I am going to make a good run at getting them all done again tomorrow.  Today was a bit of a struggle, because I woke up late and that really threw off my whole day.  I just couldn’t focus like I wanted.

I had a great post thought up in my head about reasons for my goals, but I am still trying to flush that out a bit more before I start writing it.  Also, I’m really tried right now, so I don’t want to write that long of a post.  I’m going to need to reevaluate my goals a bit again though, because it’s getting way too cold outside for me to be spending an hour outside.  I could do it easier, but if I want to skateboard it’s a lot easier to not have a coat on.  It’s too cold for that right now though, so I need to look at changing something.  Likely I am going to combine skating and walking and say I will do either one of those things 30 minutes a day.  I hate to lose one of those goals, but winters in KC are just not fun.  I want to make sure I am doing something outside though, because it’s good for me to get out of the house once a day, I think.

I really don’t have a lot to say tonight.  Sometimes I like just talking for a really long time, but other times I just don’t have a lot on my mind.  Tonight, is one of those latter nights.  I think I am just going to end the blog here and will hopefully write more tomorrow if I am feeling more up to it.  I have a date day with Jess.  I’m kind of excited about that.  I will still do my goals in the morning, but it is unlikely I play poker.  That’s the major change for me between my “on” and “off” days.


This is very true.


Hitting on all cylinders! 

Something that went well today: I had 13 goals for today and I crushed all 13 of them.
Something that went poorly today: I wasted too much time between goals and so I had less time at the end of the day to goof off.
Something I will improve on for tomorrow: Focusing during the day a bit more and not getting distracted by Slack/Internet.
Something I am thankful for: That the motivation I have had has really kept going.
Something I must get done tomorrow: I want two straight days of all goals accomplished.

 I can’t express how excited I am that I keep doing so well with my goals.  I’ve been doing really well with them, but even further I actually feel like I am making progress with a lot of things and actually making myself better, smarter and more accomplished.  It’s a great feeling to look at my goals and see green boxes for everything in a day.  I know I am going to have days where I am less successful.  That’s just how it will go.  However, I am beyond thrilled that I keep going.  I’ve always struggled with doing my goals and really sticking to things, but that seems to have changed for a short time at least.

Poker has also been going really well.  I played 6 hours today and won a nice amount.  I’m up 25 buy-ins my last 7.5k hands.  I really like how I am playing right now.  Even if you ignore that I am running super-hot, I still have been making good decisions and been getting fortunate to run my good hands into good hands that are just a bit worse than mine.  I know that’s a different kind of luck than people normally think about, but its’ a real kind of luck that you have to be happy about when you are getting it.

I’m debating if I want to put a bit more online so I can take a shot at the next level.  The site I am playing at right now skips a level really early on, so you either have to take a really aggressive shot at a higher limit or play forever to get enough to actually try that next limit.  I think I am going to wait until I play at least 10k hands at my current level and then will make a decision.  Of course, I’ve played 7.5k hands in the past 3 days, so it’s not going to take me too long to actually reach that 10k mark.  Likely tomorrow night I am going to be writing about my decision.  I’m too tired right now to really decide though.

Writing has also been going super well lately.  I made a lot of progress on my book the past week and I have to think that it is almost done.  Of course, when I say almost done, I mean that I am going to then be able to go through it and edit it before handing it to a few people for the first read.  I think that if I keep doing my hour a day, I could be at a point my Christmas that it is ready for the first heavy edits from some people.  At worst, I think my New Year’s I should have something.  Thinking about that just makes me nervous, actually.  I really don’t want to think about people reading my book in some ways, because I have no idea if it’s actually any good.  I could have some people read it, and it is complete rubbish.  I’m hoping that this isn’t the case, but you just never know until the first other person reads it.  One good thing is that the first edit is normally just an edit to get things working and make sure the story is good.  It’s not to destroy my horrendous grammar.

I’ve been trying to take more pictures lately.  I want to be thinking about what I am thankful for a bit more, and I think taking pictures really does that for me.  It allows me to find things that I enjoy or am happy about and think about why I enjoy them so much.  I don’t know if I can get back to the picture a day thing that I was doing back when I went to Truman, but I think I can commit to at least 3-4 pictures a week.  Perhaps I should just take the dive and make it one of my goals.  That would really make sure I go after the goal.  I am just not sure I am ready to do that though.

All right, I think that’s going to be it by now.  I’m excited but really tired.  I was happy enough during the day to not really feel the tired, but now that I am slowing down and winding down, I can really feel that tired gripping at my mind.  Sorry that the blog is going to be so rambly.  


It was a good week.

It’s going to be a really short blog tonight.  Just not feeling the blogging thing tonight, but I fell asleep last night before I could bang one out, so felt like I needed to get at least something up here tonight.  Got to stay at least somewhat consistent with things.

The week is over for my goals and I did my goals at an 88% success rate this past week.  That’s fantastic news and I couldn’t be happy about that.  I had 3 days over 90% and another day over 80%.  When you worst day still has, you getting 8 of your goals done out of the 11 that you are aiming for, I think that’s great news and I am really happy with how things are going.  I’m forcing myself to move forward even when all I really want to do sometimes I just sit around and do nothing.  Just moving one foot in front of the other.  Exactly what I want to be doing.

I did make some changes for goals this coming week.  I’m going to cut Spanish out of my foals completely.  I can feel that I am getting better at the language, I am learning a lot, but I just don’t see the value in it.  I dread studying it every day and I feel like it’s just a drain on my emotions.  I was talking to jess about it and I think it has to do with my overall lack of interest in the culture.  I liked learning Chinese, because I really enjoyed the culture.  Spanish is not that way with me.  Now, does this mean that I am going to start learning Chinese?  I’m not sure about this.  For this week, no.  In the future?  Maybe, maybe not.

I am adding a few things to the list though.  I’m going to force myself to play video games over the next while, because I have been doing badly at high-density fun.  I’m sure I have mentioned this concept before, but essentially, I need to be having more fun in a limited time to really feel like I am getting the breaks in.  I need to feel like I am not just drifting along with fun.  Video games are really high density fun for me, as long as I do them in small enough doses.  Just got to keep that balance right.

I’m also adding two behavior type goals for the week.  Waste less than 30 minutes on my phone during the day.  This includes less than 30 minutes on Chrome, Instagram and any other program that is not directly related to me getting my goals finished.  I think that this is going to also help my get things done in a smarter and more efficient ways.  I’m using my phone a lot more lately for brain development stuff.  I don’t mind this, but I need to make sure that I am not getting sucked down the rabbit hole when I do this.  I’ve been bad about that lately, so got to change that.  I am also not going to eat candy this upcoming week.  We will see how that goes.

I’m excited for the most part about how things turned out this week and am really looking forward to this week and seeing how things progress from here.  Snow is supposed to hit one day this week, so I am really not looking forward to that, but as long as I plan thing okay, I shouldn’t be really to effected in most of my goals.  It’s possible that skating might have to take a back seat for a while, but I am not going to abandon that until I have to.  If I do have to get rid of skating, and even walking, I am going to make sure I find something good to replace them.  Getting cold sucks, it changes to many of my good plans.

All right, that’s all for now.  Just wanted to check in and tell you that I had a good week and things are really looking up.  Got to keep moving forward and things will get even better.


Really hitting the goals hard.

Something that went well today: I got almost all of my goals for the day done.
Something that went poorly today: I feel like I am not accomplishing enough during the day.
Something I will improve on for tomorrow: Keeping my mindset in a good place while I’m getting work done.
Something I am thankful for: That I have done so well with my goals and motivation.
Something I must get done tomorrow: All of my goals.

 It’s going to be a short blog, but I at least wanted to get something up here.  Things have been going pretty well so far.  I’ve hit 75% on my goals all three days so far with 90+% on two of those days.  I think that’s really great.  I’ve been spending an hour outside every day and I really can feel the positive energy that gives me.  It’s going to get a lot colder here in the next couple of days and actually snow on Wednesday which is going to throw a wrench in some of my plans, but we will see how long it keeps me cooped up inside.

I’m noticing some positive developments with my goals even after this short of a time.  The house is so much cleaner and nice with me spending 30 minutes a day cleaning it.  I really like that fact and so does Jess.  It’s not a ton of effort to do it and it just makes a huge difference.  Sadly, our house is old and just kind of gross overall so I can only do so much when it comes to actually cleaning it.  However, with what I do have control over, it feels nice.  Skating has also been getting better and I can feel myself getting better after 3 days of doing it.  Overall, it’s still a pretty limited amount of time, but just the focused practice for a particular amount of time is really paying dividends.

Spanish has been going.  I’m learning vocabulary, but I am not learning the why of things.  Duolingo is not as great as what it claims and I feel like it is actually pretty close to false advertising.  I would not become fluent in the language if I kept at it.  It doesn’t do enough to teach me the why of things and is only interested in giving me shiny new words to say.  While I enjoy having the words, I can’t actually form sentences with them, because I don’t know how verbs are supposed to be congregated.  It tells you the correct verb to use, but it doesn’t tell you how it arrived at that and so you have to memorize and hope it’s right.  I need to figure out something else to do with that.  I need to learn the why of things so that I can actually speak it long-term.

I think that many times apps and modern learning goes to far away from traditional learning just for the sake of not being like traditional learning.  It’s all about not being classroom like, but some things are taught better in a classroom style setting.  If you are afraid of ways of doing things because of the connotations that it invokes then you need to work harder with your program.  Some things need to be classroom learning.  Some things need to be SRS memorization.  Some things need to be speaking based practice.  The point is, you need to meld everything together to learn and teach in the best way possible.  Trying to hard to not be something just means you don’t utilize the tools that are available.  As a result, I need to really find a supplement to Duolingo to make sure that I can keep learning Spanish.

I’m having less fun with life right now, but I think that’s kind of a sign that I am doing the right thing.  I feel more productive and like I am making progress towards something, even if I am having a bit less fun while I am doing work.  Part of really making progress is doing that stuff that is hard and grueling so that you can come out on the other end better for it.  Some things I read talk about loving the work you put in and loving the process of it all.  I just don’t think that is the type of person that I am.  At my heart I want to be sitting around playing video games a ton and doing whatever I want, whenever I want.  Most of us are like that.  Forcing myself to get further from that is going to lessen my enjoyment some, but it’s going to be better for me long-term.

I have no shame in admitting I would rather be playing video games, reading or just doing what I want to be doing.  I know that I wouldn’t want to do it forever, because I wouldn’t feel fulfilled, but I would have a good time doing it for a few months.  I’m getting past that though right now and forcing myself to get things done.  While some will not see the point in making myself skateboard or go for a walk each day, it’s all about mental health, and physical health.  If I make sure that I work towards things that are not my biggest goals I allow my mind time to rest and occupy itself with other things.  When I do these things for a half hour and then go back to my task that I was working on, I have this renewed focus that I wasn’t able to recapture previously.  I feel like I have 2 or 3 starts to my day now where I can attack a task with extreme vigor, as opposed to just 1.  It’s fantastic.  I am able to get more done, stay more focused and be happier by doing it.  While I’m less happy than playing video games all day, I’m happier than I have ever been when I am working on things.  That’s what really matters.

I guess this blog wasn’t all that short actually.  I ended up writing on something that was on my mind, but I didn’t think I was really going to actually write about.  Not that I didn’t really want to, but didn’t really see the value in actually doing it.


Really hitting the ground running hard!

Something that went well today: I crushed my goals going 10 for 10 in the goals I had to get done today.
Something that went poorly today: I wasted a lot of time in the morning.
Something I will improve on for tomorrow: I will get going on my day a lot better in the morning to maximize my time that I am not accomplishing my goals.
Something I am thankful for: That I had such a positive first day back really focusing on things.
Something I must get done tomorrow: Poker must be played tomorrow.

 It’s been a really good day today, because our bunny is back to being healthy and I crushed all my goals.  Renshi was not well yesterday into today.  He didn’t eat for something like 36 hours and we had to give him medicine to make him want to eat and get his GI tract going.  He’s back to normal now chewing everything and anything he can get his tiny mouth around…. Which is a surprising number of things.  It was kind of a rough 36 hours though, I would prefer to not have to deal with that again.  We have lost 1 rabbit for a reason, and we don’t need to lose another, especially one we have owned for so long.

I was a bit concerned with how today would go since I was up kind of late watching Renshi and making sure he was better.  I was surprised with myself though and I really managed to hit my goals on the head.  Some of them were much easier than others, that’s for sure, but overall I can’t complain about my performance in pretty much any of them.  I even overshot some of the goals I had, just for good measure and since I didn’t have much to do and didn’t feel like playing video games.  Cleaning was the main benefactor of this today as I cleaned for about an hour and half.  My goal is only 30 minutes a day.  I also studied Spanish for about an hour.  I was really struggling with it and wanted to try to push through it a little bit.

I already know one thing I am going to change about my goals next week, or perhaps even this week.  I’m going to start spending 30 minutes a day on brain training.  This includes the meditation I was already doing, but I also want to play games to help improve my memory, focus and other functions.  I started with this one app tonight and I really liked it.  I realized I have a really hard time with task switching.  I’m not 100% sure how much I will be able to benefit from focusing on this over the next while, but I think it’s something I want to experiment with and then make my decisions about the usefulness after at least 2 months of really working on it.  I feel like it will be helpful, but it’s the first day, I don’t want to get to excited.

I think part of what motivated me today was knowing that if I didn’t get this done Brandon would know right away.  I have a spreadsheet I am sharing with him in a Dropbox folder and I update it a few times a day as I get goals done.  If I didn’t do thing or wasn’t making the progress for today I needed, then I was going to be reasonable to him.  I’m still keeping track on my phone, but those two have slightly different purposes.  The phone is easy to look at and see what I need to be doing next.  The spreadsheet provides me with a nice overview and is easily sharable.   It’s something he came up with, so all credit to him for decided to share a spreadsheet so we can be responsible to one another.

Other than that, things are just kind of happening.  I will likely have more things to talk about as I really get into my goals, because I will want to talk how far I am making it on my goals and what new things I developed, but right now, I just don’t have that much to report.  I want to figure out a way to make goals based on these daily goals that can go on my “Impossible List,” but I am not sure how to quantify some of them.  Learning Spanish is one of the big ones.  It’s hard to make step goals for that one.

Talking about that list, I do need to update it, because I finally crossed the 100,000 words written goal since July 16th.  I’m impressed to have gotten there.  While I realize that people doing NaMoRiMo write half that many words in 30 days, I am happy to get there while working a full-time job for half of that time and then just not being as focused as I should be for the rest.  It’s a huge improvement, considering I likely wrote all of 20,000 words the previous calendar year leading up to that.  I’ve seen some really big changes in my life in the past few months.

I’m out for tonight.  I’m hoping to follow up today with just as big of a tomorrow and keep this ball rolling.


Goals for the coming month and beyond!

So I have been in Iowa for the past couple of days and so doing nightly blogs just hasn’t really been all that practical.  I wanted to get something posted though, so I am going to write down what my goals are right now for not only this coming month, but a while in the future.  These goals represent habits I want to get really engrained in me.  I have been working on these for a while and I have deiced that they are going to be the best for me right now.  They might sound a bit over the top, but I have everything planned out so that I won’t really be taxing myself nearly as much as it actually sounds like.

So the following goals are:

-          Study Spanish 30 minutes a day.  I struggled with this one a bit, because I didn’t know if I wanted to do a programming language or a foreign language and then once I got it down to a foreign language, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to do Chinese, Korean or Spanish.  I think I settled on Spanish for the most part.  It’s the least interesting of those languages to me, but I think it’s going to be most useful long term.  I hate making decisions based on what is most useful and not what is most fun, but sometimes you need to make those tough calls.  I will give Spanish a try for a while and see if it captures my imagination enough to continue on it.

-          Write for 1 hour a day.  I’m getting close to get this book done and I really want to finish it.  While I could put more time per day in it to get it done faster, I still have enough other things I want to get done, so I am going to just do an hour a day.  Writing and editing are counted as the same for the purposed of those this goal, that’s why it’s not a word count goal.

-          Read for 30 minutes a day.  This is strictly self-improvement books or other types of research books.  Any kind of fun book I read is going to be done during my free time or before bed.  So it’s going to be an attempt to approve reading.

-          Study poker 1 hour.  I was talking with Brandon about my feelings on poker and worrying that I just don’t have what it takes to really compete at a great level.  After that discussion, I decided I am going to give it a last major try.  I want to give it that last big try that will determine if it is something I try to do as a side job or just something I do for fun when I would play video games otherwise.  At this point, I just want an answer and want to either continue having my dreams or finally squash them for once and for all.  I don’t know what is going to happen, but I want an answer.

-          Clean for 30 minutes each day.  I have a list of rooms that I will clean each day and things that much be done each day for me to feel like I am really making the house cleaner and better.  I want to be paring down things and eventually get to the point that our house doesn’t feel cluttered or messy.  Since I don’t have a real job right now, this kind of commitment to cleaning each day shouldn’t be considered to outrageous, and I am hoping to really see some results from it.

-          Walk for 30 minutes each day.  This is going to be walking outside for each day.  It’s a bit different than my initial goal from last month of walking 5,000 steps.  I just want to get the time done really.  The actual amount that I walk is less important and I think takes away from my focus on just getting healthier and letting my mind take a break.  That’s really what I am looking for.  I want to be able to just zone out and listen to a podcast for 30 minutes while helping myself.  Having a step goal stops that.

-          Workout for 30 minutes a day.  I’ve had it an hour for as long as I can remember, but I feel like the time for that has passed and it doesn’t align with my overall goals.  I want to get healthier and happier, but I have little to no desire to really make a quick change to my body type.  With 30 minutes I can still easily get some good weight lifting in or a nice round on the bike, but I am not going to be dedicating too much time to it or dreading it.  I have been dreading the really long workouts lately, and when I really ask myself why I am doing it, it’s clear that I just don’t need to be doing it.  I can get most of the health benefits I was getting anyway with a fraction of the time commitment.

-          Skateboard for 30 minutes.  This is a combination of doing something fun to work out, but also doing something I really want to get better at.  There is just something about skateboarding that has my attention right now and setting aside a time to practice each day is going to be a huge motivator to get out there and do it.  It’s going to get cold here soon and will kind of suck to do some days, but I think overall it’s worth the kind of sucking part.  We will see what I feel like once January rolls around though.  If this changes, I will let you know.

-          Meditate for 10 minutes.  I’m so bad at meditating.  I really want to get better at it.  I’m going to keep pushing forward on it, but we will see if I make any progress.  I feel worse at it now than I did when I started about a week ago, but I think some of that is frustration. I feel like I should be making more progress even if that is unreasonable.

-          The final goal is to write a blog each day.  I’ve been doing fairly well at this since I have put my mind to it before going back to Iowa.  I’m going to keep doing this to keep myself honest about things, but also because I real like it really gets things out of my mind and makes me a better person overall.

Those are the 10 goals I am going to be doing every day this month.  I have a few more goals I would like to do most days, but I’m not going to get too much into those right now, because they are less imperative, especially when Christmas time rolls around.  These goals are going to be things I should do, even on Christmas day.  It leaves a huge chunk of my day still available to me, so I think it is reasonable to expect me to do it.  We will see how it goes.


Sleepless Nights.

Something that went well today: I got a lot of cleaning done.
Something that went poorly today: I played a ton of video games.
Something I will improve on for tomorrow: Not take a nap.
Something I am thankful for: That I will get to have some good food this weekend.
Something I must get done tomorrow: Remain in the now, and not get too lost in my own thoughts when being around family.

 I missed last night because my sleep schedule is completely screwed at this point.  I somehow ended up staying awake for nearly 24 hours straight.  I’m not even sure how I managed that, but when I looked at the clock I sat down and really looked at it, I had been up for a super long time.  So, I didn’t end up blogging, because I didn’t actually sleep.  I try to write this before I go to bed.  I need to get on a better sleep schedule.  I have experimented with a couple of different ideas, but nothing feels quite right. 

The nothing feels quite right is a common theme for my routines.  I can’t seem to lock into a good routine that I feel really works for me.  Waking up in the afternoon feels good, but it limits the amount of time I can play poker, since I play at a site that games die around 11pm.  Waking up at 8am isn’t quite as nice and then I tend to just be kind of unmotivated in the morning, but my afternoons are normally okay.  I think there is a happy median somewhere to be had, but it’s a matter of finding it and then actually sticking to it.

I did get a list of everything that I wanted to do in a perfect day.  It’s an ambitious list, but not at the same time.  It still has 3 hours of completely free time during it.  I think that I can make it at least a little better, but I am happy with it for right now.  The next project is going to be turning it into a schedule that I can use.  Basically, I will be reading, skating, walking, exercising, studying poker, playing poker, learning a foreign language cleaning and writing every day.  It sounds like a lot, but it’s important to remember that I am not going to be spending a ton of time on each one.  I will be spending enough time to get good at the things, but not enough that I become a master at any of them.

I’ve always struggled with the jack of all trades or master of a few trades dilemma in my mind.  I understand the idea of wanting to be very, very good at a few things.  I just don’t think that works with who I am best though.  I work well when I can flit from one thing to another.  While this means that I never really accomplish the great things that I could, it also means I can hold a conversation with people about a lot of things.  It means that I am well rounded in a lot of areas.  I’m not stuck talking or beholden to one thing for a long time.

This kind of attitude toes make it harder to make things work long-term though, because to get rich or at least moderately wealthy, you need to dedicate yourself to something and really care about it.  Many would say they are not dedicated to their jobs, but when you look at where your hours go…. That’s a hard thing to say.  Under my schedule I will be playing poker almost full-time hours which one might say is being dedicated to that, but it’s still less than many people will spend at their jobs.  I will also be doing a lot of things outside of poker that have nothing to do with it.

What do I want to accomplish with all this?  I’m not sure.  I don’t think it will make me “the most interesting person in the world,” but I also don’t want to be that.  I want to be able to say in 3 years that I have a skill in one area and then have underlying skills in many other areas.  Being able to speak a foreign language at least some is important.  Getting a good idea about different topics from constantly reading is a good idea.  Finishing a book and starting and finishing another is just a good practice to be in.  Making sure I am outside every day really improving my health both mentally and physically is a good thing.  They are not things that will make the difference between me being good at a future job and the best, but they will make the difference between me being an aimless drone and a more well-rounded person.

I do realize that this sounds a lot like I just want to avoid being an adult.  Perhaps there is some truth to that.  I am not above thinking that it might be possible.  However, I would also suggest that you look at your definition of being an adult.  Working and making money is biggest foundation of being an adult.  Everything you do is basically centered around that.  Now, how much happier are you if you make $3,000 less a year but hate your job that takes all your time?  I would trade $3,000 for a more fulfilled life.  I feel more fulfilled from being able to do things, at least a little bit, compared to being able to buy things.  I’m exceedingly lucky to have a wife that also has a good job, so that we can both take a lower paying job than others to work where we ant.

She works at a job she loves, and wouldn’t leave there for anything else in KC.  It pays comparatively pretty low though.  She could jump to another hospital and make an extra 10% without much of a hassle.  That 10% extra isn’t worth it for her though.  We can get by very easily without it.  I made half of what she does and we lived just fine.  So, things come down to, how happy do the small things make you?  The answer for her is exceedingly.  So, she will stay at this job until she decides to go back to school.  I still couldn’t dedicate my life to my job as much as she does, but if it makes her happy then it’s far from me to say she shouldn’t be doing it.

I can’t really have a good job for the next 3 years, so my goal is to find a life that I want to be happy and then to build my job in the future around that life.  It will be to seek out opportunities that allow me to keep living the life I want to be living while also making money.  My goals will change over time.  What my interests are will change over time.  However, I always want to make sure that if I get rid of one of the goals I am ready to replace it with something.  If I decide to stop learning a foreign language, I want to be able to replace it with something else satisfying.  It’s easy to stop doing something if you can just abandon it and have that extra time as free time.  I don’t want to fall into that trap.

I think that is going to be it for another.  Many of these thoughts are pretty random and likely will change over time, but just how I feel about things right now.


A nice little piece that i relate to.


Progress keeps moving forward.

Something that went well today: I got 7/8 goals done for the day.
Something that went poorly today: Tried to not take a nap, but ended up taking a nap and will continue my terrible sleep schedule for a while longer… again.
Something I will improve on for tomorrow: 8/8 goals and no nap would be ideal, but we will see if that actually happens.
Something I am thankful for: it was decent weather outside for me walk today, not great, but decent.
Something I must get done tomorrow: Dishes.

 Today was kind of a ho hum type of day.  Nothing that exciting happened, I did decent with my goals and I still wasted a bunch of time.  I guess that’s not great, but I kind of have to take the good from it, because I did get a lot done goal wise.  I also got a lot of thinking done and that was nice as well.  So really it was a pretty nice day overall, but I would always like to strive and get better.  I dream of a day that I will one day get everything on my goal list done and not waste any time during the day.  I’m not sure I am capable of such, but I dream of such a day.

One thing I realized about one of my current goals is it actually misses the mark of what I am trying to accomplish.  While walking is important to me and getting outside is what I want, making a goal of 5,000 steps a day actually takes away from what I was trying to accomplish.  I want to get outside and clear my mind.  I want to listen to a podcast and just kind of zone out.  When I set a goal that I must walk for x number of steps it becomes more about the steps and less about enjoying the walk.  I find myself checking my watch to see how many steps I am at and trying to pick up my pace if I feel like I am behind schedule.

I started thinking about this when I listened to an interview with someone who said that they started taking 2 minutes longer on their bike ride down the beach and started enjoying life a lot more.  Previously they had been trying to bike as hard as they could for 45 minutes to get done so they could get a good workout.  They started taking 2 minutes longer and realized that they are still getting most of the workout, but they are also able to enjoy the scenery and beauty of what is around them.  While my walking isn’t nearly as pretty, I can take those same concepts and apply them to what I am doing with my daily walks.  I want to enjoy the outside and get out of my house.  I don’t need to walk a particular number of steps to make that happen.

I’m still keeping the 5,000 step goal for now, but that’s because I want to wait until I completely overhaul my goals to change what I am working with.  It will be changed to something like a 30 minutes outside/walk goal.  I think putting a time on it is still important, because it allows me to not waste too much time, but also feel good about things.  When I was working at HR Block I did something similar, but a bit more informal, since I just went outside during my lunch.  Those times outside were some of the only things that got me through my job there.  Without that time to myself outside and time to unwind I would have went crazier, faster.

I have a list of pretty much what I perfect day would be for me right now.  I am going to look over it tomorrow and then start narrowing it down to what will actually fit in a day for me.  When I say it’s a perfect day though, it’s not like it’s filled with 10 hours of video games or something like that.  When I think perfect, I want to increase my happiness, increase my future prospects and make life more enjoyable for myself through self-improvement.  I have free time on there so I am not over ambitious, but I also make sure I work towards specific and intelligent goals.

I think I am going to get a Christmas tree for my office.  Not because I want a Christmas tree exactly, but because I want a tree in my office, but you can’t really have one of them.  Also, I don’t like the Christmas season all that much, but I do like lights.  I’m going to keep it up year around, because I am that type of person.  I was reading some studies saying that nature and green tends to help people’s moods if they have more if around, so I am going to try that.  Even if it doesn’t make me that much happier for a neuroscience reason, I just like nature so much it will make me happy in that respect, so it’s more than worth it.  I will also get some light for it so I can decide if I want lights or not.  It’s a win, win, really.

I’m at a weird place right now, where if I was having the thoughts that I did, I would likely say I was depressed, but I really don’ feel depressed right now.  I actually feel rather good and free.  I feel like I am making good choice and going in a good direction.  I want to cut myself off from other people though.  I don’t care that none of my goals have no social element to them.  I have my wife and then two people I am closer with now who are keeping my honest about my goals and I try to do the same for them.  Outside of that my friend circle is rather small right now.  In the past, this was a hallmark that I was depressed.  Right now, I don’t feel that.

I’m going to have to make sure I keep an eye on that thought and make sure I don’t fall into the trap of depression, because normally by the time you fall fully in it, you aren’t going to get out of it easily.  It’s a fair fear though, that I will fall into the trap of getting depressed.  I think that fear is healthy though, because it means that I am keeping myself honest.  We will see if it manifests itself in a good, healthy, repeatable habit or not though.

I think that is all for tonight.  I have a fun day planned of goals, future planning and cleaning planned for myself.  Should be good to make sure I really make forward progress on things.