I dream a lot, and I dream big.  This is my white board for everything from poker to religion, and just about everything else sprinkled in between.  Comment, share, and enjoy yourself.


Recent Changes
Recent Changes

Blog: The Giant White Board of My Head


Something a bit different than normal.


Why can't I sleep when I am tired?

Something that went well today: It was a pretty chill day at work and I didn’t feel overwhelmed all that much like I normally do.
Something that went poorly today: I had many negative thought about the day overall.
Something I will improve on for tomorrow: Keeping a more positive mindset throughout the day.
Something I am thankful for: That I have a comfortable bed to lay in.
Something I must get done tomorrow: Get myself up early enough for work that I feel like I have adequate time to get ready to get on the busy without skipping anything in the morning.

I didn’t write last night because I was so insanely tired I went to bed at like 9 or just after.  I had only slept 1 hour the previous night, so I was really feeling it all day at work.  I managed to drag myself through all of work though and didn’t give up even though I really wanted nothing more than to go home at numerous points during the day.  I would consider that a win, even if I worked slower than I normally do.

Of course, even being that tired I didn’t sleep for a super long time like I should have.  I was up and around at something like 5 in the morning.  I was pretty annoyed with myself, because I wanted nothing more than to sleep and actually get the rest that I needed.  It was not meant to be though as I just couldn’t force myself to get back to sleep.  I pretty much know when I hit a point in my sleep cycle that I am going to stay awake and not drift back asleep.  It’s like something just clicks in my head that tells me that there is no coming back from this.

So I got up and played 2 game of League of Legends and then got some reading done.  It wasn’t exactly productive, but I really didn’t feel like being productive.  I wanted to have some fun and enjoy myself more than anything else.  SO I decided to do what I needed to ensure that I enjoyed myself.  I’m still struggling to mix work and fun, but I’m getting a little better.  I am also finding that as I dedicate more specific time to actually having fun I actually am wanting to get more things done at other times.  It’s like I appreciate my fun time more and can then see that I need to work.

I still fall into my traps a lot of just sitting around and not actually doing much though.  I surf websites randomly and just end up doing the same things again and again.  It’s exceedingly pointless, but I guess I just have this compulsive feeling that things will change from when I like remember them.  It’s completely insane, but what can I say?  I’m more than just a little bit insane.  Perhaps one day I will move past this a little bit more and really get things done, but I am not going to count on it, at least not any time soon.  I have way too many mental roadblocks to really make the progress that I really want in my head.

I want to build myself a desk.  I talked about the changes I am going to make to my desk right now to make it more to my liking, but in reality, I would like nothing more than to build my perfect desk.  I have some ideas about what this would look like, but I am not sure how I would actually pull it off.  I want to build something that is a sit and stand desk, but I have no idea how to pull that off.  I’ve read a bit about them, but I feel like the knowledge and expertise needed to pull it off is much beyond me. 

I think building something for myself is the next major thing I need to do to really feel good about myself.  I have no idea why building something means so much to me, because I really have no showed an aptitude for doing this at any point in my life, but I love customizability of things.  I feel like I have all of these ideas of how things should be, but I have no way of actually turning those ideas into things, so they just kind of end up taking things that don’t really meet my specifications, but are good enough, because it’s not like I can really do any better.  If I built something, it’s not like I would make it super intricate, but it would be insanely practical.  Maybe I will put some more thought into it.

I think that is all for now.  I’m pretty tired and want to read a little bit more before I head off to sleep.  I’m sure this won’t be the last time that I think of some kind of topic like this.  It’s always been something I’ve wanted to do.  I will eventually find a way to do it that I like and is good.  Just going to take some time to really think about it.


Not a lot got done today, but i did buy some fun things. 

Something that went well today: Planned and acquired what I needed to get my desk in a really nice and orderly fashion and make it more comfortable for work.
Something that went poorly today: I didn’t get much actual work done.  It was a lot of soft stuff.
Something I will improve on for tomorrow:  It’s a Monday at work, so the goal will be to survive.
Something I am thankful for: That I can do my projects.
Something I must get done tomorrow: Put the rub on the pork chops in the morning so I can cook them when I get back from work.

I didn’t get a lot done today, at all.  I looked my screen for a long time figuring out what to even put on my first part and just couldn’t think of something good.  I finally figured out something I should be happy about.  I actually am pretty happy about getting everything sorted to make my desk a lot better.  I did a lot of measuring and planning and think I have something that will work out pretty well.  It should look really clean when I am done.  I love making these kinds of improvements to my areas.

I’m down to 32 days of work left and I can really feel it.  I’m getting kind of excited and nervous to see what is going to happen next.  Now that it’s an open secret I am not coming back for a second season I feel like things are actually better, at least for me mentally.  Closing the door on working for TSC next year makes me feel better, because even if I fail at figuring things out for myself I am not going back there.  It’s a lot harder to forgo a job that pays okay when you have that option.  Closing off that option though feels oddly good.  Also, being able to be honest also feels good.

Half of me does expect to get let go before that 32 days is up and then the other half of me expects to be there past the 32 days.  I just feel like everything has been so fluid and uncertain that there is no reason to think that is actually going to change just because they say it is going to.  It’s not like what they have said in the past has actually come true.  Getting one more full week at work would be nice, because all that money I earn is just going to be extra money as we will have our bills paid for the month with about half of Jess’s next check.  SO the more money I make is the more savings I have.  I did get to buy some fun things today though without worrying if I got fired tomorrow.

We also found out that since jess works at a non-profit hospital there is the potential that she could get some kind of loan forgiveness which is fantastic.  It likely won’t be very much, but any amount that is less than what we have to pay back now is the direction I want to be heading in.  She doesn’t have an enormous amount of debt, at least not really more than what is average nowadays, but just being able to get out from under any amount of it is going to be really nice and let us breathe a little bit easier.  Just have to do a bit more research on what she actually needs to do to get that and then we will go from there.

Still been trying to look for somewhere new to move, but still haven’t seen much that really piqued my interest.  A few things look interesting, but nothing screams that we really need to go look at it and force things.  As time moves on I keep setting back the expectation of when we will realistically move into a new house.  I had originally thought maybe November, then January and realistically I think April or May is going to be the best bet.  I think getting the tax return and putting that into savings and savings a few extra month is just going to server us best.  It would be cool if we could save up enough to pay for the first year of rent out of pocket, but I don’t think we are going to get quite to that point.  Would be pretty awesome if we could though.

I think that is going to do it for now.  I’m going to go read a bit before sleep.  Then going to try to survive somehow tomorrow and hope not die at work.  We will see how that actually goes though, as it feels like it’s normally kind of a tossup on that actually happening. 


At least i got something down...

Something that went well today: Had a fairly relaxing day and thought about work almost not at all.
Something that went poorly today: I got nothing doe today, like pretty much nothing.  This is frustrating looking back on it now.
Something I will improve on for tomorrow: Not just sitting at my computer doing nothing.
Something I am thankful for: That we are finally comfortable on money.
Something I must get done tomorrow: Get some writing done during work.

Sorry for having not written for a couple of days. I just couldn’t really focus on thing enough to really write and so I just didn’t.  I’m still not really feeling all that much like writing tonight, but I figured I can’t just keep coming up with reasons not to write otherwise I never actually will.  It’s one of those things that you just have to do even if you don’t feel like it initially, because normally once you start writing things get much better.

SO I just took a 20-minute break from writing and ate a burrito.  I told you, I really can’t concentrate on anything right now.  I’m not really sure what is wrong with me.  I had the whole day off today and I disappointed all over the place and just didn’t get anything done.  I mean, I really got like nothing done.  It was frustrating when I look at it now.  I really want to be more productive, but work just take out everything I have.  I end up just trying to talk myself down on the days I have off. Perhaps I will be able to get something done over next weekend.

On a positive note, we are finally secure on money for the first time…. Well in such a long time I don’t even remember.  I don’t think since we have gotten married we have had this much money.  It’s not like we have some huge savings either, but we have enough now that if I lost my job tomorrow and jess lost her job tomorrow we would be fine for the upcoming 2 months.  It’s not fantastic, but it’s starting to get somewhere that is fantastic.  We would of course have to be more careful with what we spend, but I think that kind of goes without saying.  Just nice to have one less thing to worry about for once.

I really just can’t write tonight.  Too much going on in my mind, but nothing going on in my mind.  It’s a really weird feeling.  I’m going to go read and hope that calms me down some.  Should get some stuff written tomorrow while at work.


Lot's of these days lately.


Just not feeling the writing tonight, so here is some music.


It actually was a struggle....

Something that went well today: I made it through the day without getting snappy with any of the customers, even though some of them very much deserved it.
Something that went poorly today: I couldn’t get my mind out of the negative place that it was in through most of the day.
Something I will improve on for tomorrow: Keeping my chin up during the annoying and trying times.
Something I am thankful for: Still thankful for the Gear Fit 2, I have no shame it giving it accolades two days in a row.
Something I must get done tomorrow: Go for a walk either before or after work.  Only 1.7k steps today.  That’s just not acceptable.

When I said that my goal for today was just to survive, I thought I was being a little over the top dramatic.  I really didn’t think it would actually be a struggle to get through the day, but almost from the top of the day until I got off 30 minutes late it was just one bad call after another.  It’s rare to have days where we don’t have any breaks during the days, but this was one of those special days.  It was just one call after another, after another.  It’s days like today that make me think they aren’t actually going to let me go on the 30th of September. 

Not all busy days are created equal either.  Some busy days are just a drag that seem to never really end.  Everything just goes by slowly and even the long calls that normally help time pass quickly don’t do the trick.  This was one of those days that I looked at my watch maybe 100 times and things just never seemed to actually move forward.  Needless to say I hate days like today.  Even looking at my day counter couldn’t help today, because all I could think of was that I ha 7 more Monday, all likely just as bad as this one.  (Yes, I realize I have a Tuesday start day in there, but after 4 days off it will probably be even worse than a normal Monday.)

So getting home was more of a relief than I had wanted it to be.  When I am super relieved to be home I know that I am not going to get much done and that means another day without really making progress on my goals.  I knew it was probably going to be like that, but I still would love for some day to just come home from work and then crush at night and feel awesome about what I got done.  I am not sure that will ever happen, but it’s this dream I have.  I really think it would feel good.

We got cookies tonight from this place that delivers cookies.  It’s not very smart from a money standpoint, but it’s brilliant from a taste standpoint.  They are delivered to you warm still.  It’s purely amazing.  I would show you pictures, but I ate all of my cookies and some of Jessica’s cookies as well. I had 6 cookies total…. And she had three.  They are roughly the size of Subway cookies but a little bit thicker.  I couldn’t help myself.  They were so freaking tasty.

I think that’s it for now.  I’m just kind of tired and don’t really feel like saying up anymore.  Going to go read for a bit and then lay down.


I got a new toy.... and I REALLY like it.

Something that went well today: I had a relaxing day of eating food and playing with my new toy.
Something that went poorly today: I kept coming up with lame excuses to not do work that needed to be done.
Something I will improve on for tomorrow: It’s a Monday, so my goals for a Monday are relatively low.
Something I am thankful for: My new Gear Fit 2.
Something I must get done tomorrow: Survive.

Today had two major parts to it.  We went to the Cultural Enrichment Festival early in the day and then I got my Gear Fit 2 in the mail later on in the day. Both things are pretty awesome and made today a really good day overall.  The festival was good, because I got to eat some good food and get outside for a bit.  While it was a bit hot when we were standing in the sun, I have to say that it was pretty nice overall.

The more exciting part of the day, for me at least, was getting my Gear Fit 2 in the mail.  I was really excited, but also really nervous, about this purchase because I have been looking for a fitness tracker/smartwatch for a long time now.  I had almost pulled the trigger on a Fitbit HR+ and a Moto 360 in the past a few times, but stopped myself just short each time.  Whenever I really thought about making the plunge on something so expensive I just doubted the utility of something like this.

I’m beyond impressed with this right now.  It does everything I need it to well enough.  It’s far from perfect, I won’t deny that, but it does what I want it to and I think it is going to be huge for my productivity.  That’s not something I was actually expecting, but I think that it is going to actually do that.  Of course, that doesn’t mean it is perfect, because I have a laundry list of things that I wish would be improved for the usability of it, but I can’t really complain too much, because it is easily worth the $161 I paid for it.

I wanted a fitness tracker that would measure my steps, exercises, heart rate, inactive time and would give me my notifications.  This does all of those things well enough for what purposes I need them for.  The big one is the notifications.  That is the reason why I hadn’t actually bought a Fitbit up to this point.  Without getting my notifications I just wasn’t sure I would get enough utility from something.  With the notifications I have already noticed myself not getting distracted as much and just quickly looking at things and moving on.

Before today I would get a notification on my phone, check it, respond to it and then get on Chrome, or just play on my phone.  It was like I was attracted to the light of the phone and couldn’t let it go.  Now that I can respond appropriately to most messages from my wrist I don’t get on the internet at all.  I simple just respond and then go back to working on whatever I was working on.  It’s fantastic.  The fact that it is limited though is also why I never got a Moto360, because I felt like I was just going to get distracted by another screen in my life.

I’m not under the impression that this is going to change my life or anything like that, but if it can waste 5-6 hours less of my time per week then it will easily make up for the cost in more than enough time.  While this might sound like a tall order, I think that it is actually attainable.  I have gotten really bad about using my phone lately and anything I can do to reduce my screen on time is going to greatly appreciated.  If I can do this then I will not have any buyer’s remorse from this purchase, which is better than I thought it was going to be.

I also played some poker today.  It wasn’t very much, but it was something.  I don’t want to say it was because of my smartwatch, but it really was.  I didn’t need my phone to be near my or on all the time.  OS I just didn’t have much to do. I then deiced to just put in a small session and get my feet wet.  It went much better than I had expected.  It’s the small kind of improvements like this that I am really looking forward to.  We will see how it lasts.

I think that is it for now. I should head off to bed and read a bit before going to sleep.  Long Monday tomorrow, because every Monday feels like a long Monday.  Two more weeks until Labor Day, I got this.


A day of writing and working...

Something that went well today: I got a lot of things written.
Something that went poorly today: I didn’t use my time outside of work wisely at all.  I goofed off way too much on things that I just shouldn’t have.
Something I will improve on for tomorrow: Work on a mini-reward/mini-punishment system to encourage me to actually make progress.
Something I am thankful for: That I get my new toy (Gear Fit 2) tomorrow to play with.
Something I must get done tomorrow: I must get my office cleaned pup and feeling a little less cluttered and claustrophobic.

This will probably be a shorter blog since I have already written a pretty insane amount today.  I wrote updates for both my health and poker blogs. I also have posted a few reviews in the past week.  That means all the pages on my site have some kind of update from the past week, which is the first time that has happened in well over a year.  It is probably the only time it will happen for a while, but my hope is that I would be able to keep up with things a little better.  We will see how that happens though, I never seem to really achieve quite what I am looking for in terms of updated stuff.

Today was a pretty average day.  I didn’t really do anything different as I just had some work to suffer through and such.  I’m not going to play any poker tonight as I feel pretty tired.  I didn’t get much accomplished on my goal list either, because of the feeling tired thing.  I’m fairly disappointed in this actually, but just kind of how things work.  Getting the writing done did feel pretty good at least though.

The weather was amazing out today.  I sat outside for a while and just enjoyed the cool weather. I wish I could have done something a bit more exciting like go skating, play basketball or just something, but I just didn’t have time or energy to do something like that.  Sitting outside and enjoying the cool weather though was a huge change for me and it felt good. I know I need to be doing better with getting outside more, but as I am at work longer I feel less like actually going outside.  I feel like I can’t really clear my head like I used to be able to when spending time outside.  Perhaps I will be able to in the future, perhaps not.

My calendar says that I have 40 days left of work.  I feel like it’s more than that.  I keep forgetting that it’s August 20th already.  That seems crazy to me.  It seems like it was just the beginning of July and I was enjoying the vacation.  Heck, it was a full moth ago that I started this blogging thing.  It is just crazy to me that time keep go by so fast.  I’m not even really enjoying life much right now and it is going by fast.  I kind of thought the opposite was supposed to be true.  Then again, I have never been good at knowing what normal or not normal actually is.  I just kind of go and hope for the best.

I finally dragged myself to the post office yesterday.  I’m really happy about sending one of those letters as that means I officially do not owe one creditor any more money. It feels awesome to have something paid off that I have been paying on for over a year.  Sure, it will just be replaced by another creditor, but if I keep getting people in line and then dispatching them, eventually I don’t have anyone left and I can celebrate being completely debt free.  I’m still a decent amount from that, but man does it feel good to actually have that out of the way.  I won’t update my “Impossible List” until I get a letter from them saying that I have paid my full obligation.  Just feels better to wait to actually get that.

Making it through the debt burden process though is amazing and I haven’t felt so free for a while.  Like I said it’s a small portion, but it’s just another weight off of my shoulders.  I guess, it’s the progress thing. I like seeing that I am actually doing something and getting somewhere.  I have two more easy debts I can take of quickly.  I’m really annoyed they even exist, but sometimes places just don’t cancel your things even when they should.  It’s fine though, I will pay them and be done with them.  Maybe I will do that early next month.  Just to feel like I am accomplishing something every month.

That’s one of the only things that keeps me going back to work each day. I just think of paying off those debts and putting more into savings.  I could pay off debts a lot faster if I didn’t want to put anything into savings, but I just don’t see myself wanting to do that.  SO I will keep putting more towards savings and pay off the debt slowly, but surely.  If I ever really become successful at poker again, I have a goal of paying on these debts a lot more aggressively.  Once I get that savings cushion I want, I would want to pay on those debts quickly.  Get them out of the way.

I guess this blog ended up being a lot longer than I thought it was going to be.  Nothing like a 2.5k word day to really get things going.  It’s all I have done today besides work 8 hours though, so I don’t know if I can really consider it wildly successful.  I guess it is in some ways, but I would have rather actually got my room cleaned up, the basement sorted a bit more, some dishes done, some poker studied and some other things accomplished.

That’s all for now.


More rock from my recent binge